God, Family & FREEDOM!

You know at 34 years old I still wonder sometimes... Well more like all of the time! I ask myself and God things like; will I ever settle down? Will I live long enough to meet and enjoy my future (And I do mean all the way in the future.) grandkids? How many children will I have? And so on. But here lately I've been on a much different journey. A journey that has began to allow me to see who I am clearer in God. A journey that is teaching me patience, truth and one that only allows me to focus on the present moment. I guess I'm in my eat, pray, love, live and refocus journey!! (I have always been very self aware but this journey is different.) I've began to shift my life (With the help of God) around my three principles; God, Family and Freedom!

I am not sure what freedom means to me just yet! But I do know I want to live a life that allows me to be completely happy. That means doing what I desire, when I desire, without anyone's opinion, feelings or thoughts being taken into consideration. I do that now to some extent but in the back of my mind I always wonder, How will this look to my child once she gets older? or How will I make my family look? And though I know when God gives you the courage to act what looks crazy to everyone else is not at all crazy. Its Faith!! I want my FAITH to be STRONG! Because of that I have been wondering so many things. I've been asking myself questions like... Why have I lived majority of my life living for things that wouldn't speak life  into me, even when I begged? Or why have I been so loyal to people who only gave me enough of themselves simply to feel worthy of being loved or to make me feel like I've been a good friend/person? Only to be hurt and outraged because they weren't who I imagined them to be. When in all honesty they never owed me the truth. I simply expected it because I gave it naturally.

I feel like many times I have set aside my own personal ideas, worth, opinions, even priorities to lie to people who were struggling to figure out how to stop lieing to themselves. And still at mid thirties i have no idea why I've done half of the things I've done only to be satisfied with the comfort of being happy? The images of simply being has really burned a sister out! I just want to be free!! Just about everything is about an image instead of actually living or experiencing it all. Honestly I am ready for a redo. Can I get a redo Lord? (Lol) I plan to take it all in for once. To not feel pressured to be anything but who I desire to be. To live my life like that last piece of cereal in the bowl of milk just riding the wave of the milk freely!

I have recently made some decisions where I decided to take an even bigger chance on my own life in order to make my daughter's better and God has truly blessed my obedience. I can truly say I'm making every effort I can to be free and to allow her to be free. Honestly, though its been great. It's has also come at some losses. Loss of friends, loss of you I though I was and I loss for words. (Literally! I usually don't have a loss for words. lol)

You know what, you only hurt yourself when you are free... Its okay to be free. Life is much happier when you set yourself free. You cry less, worry less, pray more and desire the simplest things. Why not be free?

A GOOD name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold. Proverbs 22:1


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