God's Plan: Be still and know that I am God!
You ever have someone tell you to be still and you’re like,
“I am being still!” lol, I have heard that statement I don’t know how many
times the past two years. I have also asked myself I don’t know how many times
this past year, “what does being still really mean?” Like, “what does God want
me to do? Stand in a corner until he sends for me?” Like, “am I not being still?”
Today, I realized, that though I thought I was being still. I was not. Psalm 46:10-11 says, Be still and know that
I am God; I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth.
The Lord of host is with us; The God of Jacob is our refugee. My God, My
God. Scripture to me in many ways isn’t always self-explanatory but this here
word, is! Being still means despite how things looks around you from your
vantage point, trust God. Place all your insecurities, worries and doubts on
him. He will fight the battles that you can only fight in the physical. Stop
trying to control things, God doesn’t need any help. This is not your battle. I got this. Change your
perspective of the struggle that I’ve placed (It’s not always the devil who test us.
God will allow the devil and God himself will test us to prepare us) in your
life. Only I can make a new thing in you. Speak to those things. Yet be still,
keep putting one foot in front of the other and making steps towards other
things. In time It will all make sense.
As I sit here on my bed, wrapped up in a towel from just
hopping out the shower and sipping on some coffee comfortably. I realized that
despite my faith in God, I have always had an anxious way of wanting to hear
from God. Even when I hear his voice guiding me, I’m always like tell me more. I’ve
been guilty of wanting God to make moves ASAP so I can save myself some steps,
heart breaks and so on. Some of that goes back to me simply being a, “Get to
the point type person.” That doesn’t work for God. There are miracles that God
works swiftly in but when he’s preparing you for something his timing is much
more perfect than our own. Sometimes suffering comes with the process and being
still is you simply showing God that you are trusting that process despite what
it looks or feels like. It’s having that mustard seed Faith! It’s being able to
cast all your cares, though you want to pick them up and place them where you
want them to be. God says, give it all to me. Again, I don’t need your help. Be
still and know that I am the God that I say I am! Be still, leave it alone, consume
your thoughts with things that are yours to fix. This here battle isn’t yours,
its mine! Relax, go swimming or something. Lol
It took me a year to realize, I need to rest in God and be
still… Brief story, I decided to take some days off from work this week. My
work environment has not been a good space for me this year. Let the people I
work with tell it, it’s partially my energy… I’ve been such an emotional
roller coaster that I don’t know if I’m coming or going some days. I have been
very reactive and non-responsive to some of the people in my work space because
I am unhappy there. Most of my days there I have made it to work and through
work learning the art of not being present, on coffee, wine, Grace yet all
while on empty. Gas tank empty, spirit empty, bank account on empty,
refrigerator empty, I’ve been so empty there have been many of nights I
couldn’t even find my way to bed off my floor. I’ve tried to explain to the
people I work with about this rush of energy I get when I began to walk into
the building and literally get so over whelmed by it, I turn around go back to
my car and pray. The energy is disgusting! But they don’t get it, so it’s me. I
have a friend I would call her and tell her about my experiences at work and she
would always say, “If you just be still a little while longer.” Growing up I’ve
heard that all my life being a church girl, but I had gotten used to responding
without hearing by replying, “I am being still.” But I realized sitting here
now in my quiet space. I had not been still at all. The whole time while God
was taking me through and building things up in me, I was trying to figure out
how to work it out myself. When he already had it handled. I’ve realized that I
have gotten in the habit of getting in the way of my own blessings and such by
trying to control the outcome of situations for my own comfort. When God’s been
saying. Nope! Whoopity Scoop, your behind back where I placed you. In these
days I must say I’ve found my stillness, I’m hoping to keep it and I’ve been presented
with revelations that make me want to go back and redo my entire life. But of
course, it doesn’t work that way. I’ve even gotten back to my first passion
which is writing. The joy I’m feeling while typing all of this is amazing. I’ve
also been so heavily in my word and feeding my sprint with scripture and the
word of God. That I can get back to feeding the spirit of people around me. It feels good to be renewed!!
Back to the story, I slept through a full night (which is
usually about 4 hours for me) and I woke up at 5:04 am and my internal light
bulb finally went off. I have not been happy because I have been not of
alignment with God. I accept a position that forces me to play myself small in
an environment that God did not called me to in the first place. Let me
explain, the end of last school year I was so anxious to find a new job because
the one I was at was ending due to not having funds in the budget. But of
course, me getting in the way of God, I went on my first interview and accepted
that first job offer I got. For months throughout my summer, I kept trying to accept
the position, but it would not go through. I kept getting emails from HR, calls from the
principal asking why I haven’t accepted it, it even got to my principal’s
supervisor. Myself, the principal and HR were trying to figure it out what was
happening? As I look back over my life, (Yesssss!) God in that moment was
saying, “I wanted you to have something else but since you won’t allow me to do
what I do, here you go.” A month into the position I became depressed, I
started drinking heavier, stressing myself, for months I literally had to scrap
myself from my bed and all sorts of other things. Let me also add, I am a
single mother, in a new city by myself, no friends, family or support, I am in
school working on a Post Master’s licensure, and now I’m an emotional wreck,
BUT GOD! I was put into an enivorment with someone who mirrored someone who was
from my past who was everything I realized the God in me was not. Every day,
God kept telling me shout your mouth, move out the way, keep them at bay, pay
attention MY Child I’m right here. Trust me through this. I knew I had played
myself. I was not working to the best of my abilities therefore I was frustrated.
But every chance I could, I kept speaking over myself. God kept revealing
things to me. I began to ask him for forgiveness, for not being obedient. He
just kept showing me, that he didn’t want me to be there because he didn’t want
me to attach myself to some of the mindset because he has called me higher. You
are NOT in alignment with my plan for your life child!! There are so many dynamics
that I can only see now that I’m coming out on the other side. Sitting here
thinking about the many spaces where people were manipulative, fake and greenlighting
me, were going behind my back and repeating everything we discussed, in spaces
where all I could do was cry because I knew God was no longer calling me to
fight physically or with my intellect. He was calling me to get better at
fighting people and their spirits off me with my prayer life. I know I will see some parts of this test
again because I don’t think I completely passed. But I’m praying I’ll be ready
next time. If there is a next time.
See the enemy will see how God is covering you despite what is
happening and make you appear weak. Make you feel like this is all your fault!
But God, because that was never the case. Romans 8:28 says, that ALL things
work for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his
purpose. (If that doesn’t make you shout!) God will allow you to get what you
keep fighting for even when he doesn’t want you to have it because he’s going
to use it for you good. You see, just like Joseph and Job and Moses and Gideon
God is using this struggle for your Breakthrough. You have to stay in position
until he says its time. When you come out victoriously you’re going to know
that it was nobody but GOD. Let them talk, let them wonder, you may be waiting
on a door to open, but God is playing double Dutch and saying not yet! Or maybe
he’s about to change things up a bit and he’s preparing the atmosphere, the
environment, the hearts of the people, the energy just for you. It may feel like
he’s blocked you from moving forward but he’s saying, Be still, know that, you
know, that you know, I am who I say I am! ❤️
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