Dear Journal, Not This Question Again!

There is this one question that we all get after seeing someone that we haven't seen in years, months, hell even days. Its probably one of the most hated questions next to WHY?, or WHAT ARE YOU DOING THAT FOR?....Drum roll pleaseeee *beating on forehead* WHAT ARE YOU UP TO THESE DAYS? ((UGH)) Yes the dreaded question. The minute the person gets to the question mark, your body stands still, your brain begins searching and you attempt to make your life seem like your on the road to be the next Barack Obama. Odds are you are not! You are just a regular working person, with a regular car, eating regular food, dating a regular boyfriend/girlfriend and odd's are you're just fuking regular as they come...

What are the odds that the very person who is so excited to see you, has already tip toed through your facebook, twitter and discussed you through other friends. So why they asked? no one knows because they already know you're just as regular as they are..

Why is it so hard for us to just be honest and say "I am not doing a damn thing but being happy." What is wrong with that response? I guess, It's just to honest. But yet we A) say something to grab the person's attention B) look away to ease our shame for our faborcation to them but for being dishonest to ourselves C) never really say what we want to say which is NOT A DAMN THANG D) All of the above. Why do we torture ourselves trying to impress people who are just as FUKING regular as we are? I mean really, I'm just saying.. If the recipient of the question isn't investing in any part of your life why do we gracely run down our whole life? Hell, they pump gas like a regular person, they take dumps like a regular person, they make their life seem greater like regular people do... Just face it! They are just as FUKING REGULAR AS YOU ARE!

Woke Up Feeling Like: Jay-Z ft. Kanye West- "Gotta Have It"

"I'm Planking on a million"

Kelly Rowland in STYLIST Magazine



Werk Kells!

(photo:ybf)

DOWNLOAD: KimberlyNichole 'The Rock Ballerina'

Check out KimberlyNichole's 'the Rock Ballerina' FREE.EP! Covering some of her FAVORITE Rock Songs...

Rihanna " We All Want Love " Lyrics (Talk That Talk Album)

I can pretend that I'm not lonely

But I'll be constantly fooling myself

I can pretend that it don't matter

But I'll be sitting here lying to myself

Some say love ain't worth the buck

But I'll give every dime I have left

To have what I've only been dreaming about

Everybody wants something

Better want something

What are you living for?

Everybody needs something

Fighting for something

I know what you're fighting for

Cause we all

CHORUS

I'm able to close my eyes

Yet my heart's not so blind

I feel so entitled of owes me

I want what's mine

And some say love ain't worth the buck

But I'll give 'em the last dime

To have what I've only been dreaming about

Everybody wants something

Better want something

What are you living for?

Everybody needs something

Fighting for something

I know what you're fighting for

Cause we all

Dear Journal, About this Space I'm in.....

Lately i have had to be my own therapist... For more reasons than one but more than anything because i have been all over the place.. It's been going on for months, i can now trace it back to losing both my grandma's earlier this year and having to relocate to Mississippi... A couple of friends made random statements in conversation that sparked my "AHA" moment... That moment made me realize that i have been trying to run away from being "normal", if there is a such thing as normalcy.. I've been so caught up in hating where I am in this place in my life that i don't genuinely enjoy the moments. Though i know i need to learn how to be happy today in order to enjoy tomorrow, i don't...When I started graduate school this August the battle with myself began.. I always thought i wanted to be some sort of counselor but i never wanted to go to graduate school. When I'm sitting in class i am mentally not there. I doodle on my notebook, text on my phone and imagine myself doing everything but being there. However, I do make sure i do all the work, because i don't believe in wasting time or money. Yet, every second that goes by i want it to end ASAP! A friend asked me one day, "what are you running from?" I had zero clue. Then i started having a lot of issues with my car and i ended up on the side of the road in a very small town outside of the college campus. I sat there before i called anyone for help and as i was sitting a random young man approached my car. He was very helpful and even stayed until the family friend came with his tow truck. THAT day which was just two weeks ago, helped make sense of everything. The young man talked to me about his brother who was a counselor and it all hit me...I DON'T WANNA SPEND MY LIFE IN A OFFICE PLAYING WITH PEOPLES MINDS!!! You ever find yourself getting involved in things that you feel will make you feel significant? Like going back to school, when you really had no intentions of doing so. Or starting a business that you know you will not put any effort into... Well i have now joined the club... I've been having a lot of conversation with friends lately who have made discussions that they later realized they did in order to make themselves feel good about where they are in life. I made a discussion to go to graduate school. Yes, i was excited to see the excitement in everyone i knew. Only to realize their excitement was just as exiting as my excitement to not feel comfortable in my current circumstances. Does that make any sense??? If not trust me it will one day.. ((sighh))

Since I've come to realize where i am mentally not only do i feel a huge release, i have also made a decision to end school. This is hard for me because i hate starting something and ending it before it's done... BUT I won't be looking back and if i do, I'll stick with online courses! I know someone will talk me out of it, which is why i don't tell people my decisions until I've made them. But that will be what i plan to do!! I want to use the wasted time i spend in a class room doing busy work and get back to writing, painting and just being FREEE! ((Ugh))

After all of this I'm back to being genuinely happy and honest with myself  and what i want out of life... Some of us just want to inspire, encourage, live with no attachments, love and hope that GOD says "Job well done!"

Cassie covers IDOL Mags "Illuminati, New Model Order, New World Order." Issue

 

(Photos via YBF)